Introducing Isaac...

On February 22nd, I attended my first OB appointment with a new doctor and I was both surprised and thrilled to get to see this newest member of our family for the first time. At just 7.5 weeks, he or she was so tiny and yet very much alive.

 Our doctor confirmed the expected due date to be October 7th (just one day before KK's birthday) and I came home to share the news with Dennis and put these pictures on the refrigerator. We began to plan and think about life with three ages three and under. There were times, especially at the dinner table, when we would wonder if we are really up to the job but we were excited and quietly began sharing the news.

 

As the weeks kept ticking by, I wondered if this might be a boy since the pregnancy felt different from the previous two. Dennis said my leg hair was definitely poking him at night even though I was shaving every morning! This, according to KK, is one of the best predictors! Still, we didn't talk about it too much because we wanted to be just as excited if God decided to give us another girl.

Last Tuesday, March 22nd, I went for my next scheduled appointment. It had been a busy day at work and I hadn't really slowed down until I found myself on the table waiting for the doctor to find the heartbeat. He told me that it could take a while at just 11.5 weeks and to not worry if it took him a few minutes. After five minutes, he decided we should do a sonogram to have a better look. He again told me not to worry.

After I got dressed and moved rooms, he pulled up a picture of the baby and then concern came over his face. He told me that he was beginning to worry. He left the room for me to change again for another ultrasound. As I waited in the room, I didn't know what to think. The only thing I could think to do was sing in my head the song that we had been practicing at night with Amity: Holy! Holy! Holy! Lord God Almighty! Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee; Holy, holy, holy, merciful and mighty! God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!
My doctor returned to do a different ultrasound and discovered that where there once was a strong heartbeat, there was no more. The little one had stopped his journey of growth around 9.5 weeks. As my eyes filled with tears, I saw tears in eyes of my doctor as well. He gently discussed our options at this point and allowed me to leave the office from the back door.

As we went about the processs of telling friends and family, we were flooded with kind words of comfort and prayer. By Wednesday afternoon, I could feel myself emerging from the deep sadness and despair. Those prayers for peace and hope were truly answered and are continuing to be answered as we still grieve.

On Wednesday night, Dennis suggested naming this little one Isaac. We don't know if he/she was in fact a boy but we have always liked the name Isaac since we were first beginning to think about having children. Abraham was called to trust God with his Isaac and we believe that we have been called to do the same. We know that the results are different but the trust and our God are the same.

This year in MOPS, our theme passage is Psalm 139. When we first began studying it back in July, I knew of several friends that had just experienced miscarriages. These verses caught my attention at the time and I am even more thankful for them now: 13 For you formed my inward parts;you knitted me together in my mother's womb.14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;my soul knows it very well.15 My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,intricately woven in the depths of the earth.16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,the days that were formed for me,when as yet there was none of them. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!How vast is the sum of them!18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

Dear Isaac, You are and have been precious to us since the day we learned of your existence. We wish that the days formed for you were years instead of months but we know that our Creator is perfect in His thoughts and wisdom. As a friend wrote on Facebook, "Praising God for your little one who never hungered, wept, or hurt, only enjoyed His blessings in perfect warmth and now in full perfection." What joy you must already know that we can hardly imagine! Still, we spend so much of our time recalculating our lives without you after two months dreaming of that life with you. In our short three years of being parents, we have learned that each of our children will teach us about God and about ourselves. Your short life has already taught us so much. For one, it has helped me realize that God is still faithful even when one of my greatest fears is realized. You have also made each of your sisters seem all the more precious. I know they will thank you for that someday when they learn about you!
We love you more! Daddy, Mommy, Amity & Vivien